Calling big women BBW’s perpetuates the fetish that so many seek to escape from. Stop calling me something I can find in a porn category and think that it is a compliment to my person. It sends up a huge red flag that you don’t respect me as a person and that you covet me as an object. I’m not here to satisfy your appetite, because I was not born to be consumed. If you lack the vocabulary to think beyond that, it is likely we were not meant to be more than social acquaintances on various apps. Having an understanding that we need to move the social perception of bigger women forward is the first step in the conversation.

“I only date big women” – Not a compliment

“I love a big woman, because she’s just sexier to me” – Not a compliment

“I love fucking big girls” – Not a compliment

“Big girls are sexy” – Not a compliment

“Big girls always got a pretty face and they are nicer” – Not a compliment or accurate

“Big girls appreciate you more” – Not a compliment

“Only a dog wants a bone, that’s why I love my women with more meat on her bones” – Not a compliment and dumb because dogs love meat just as much

Just a few of the comments I get when men try to “assure” me they think I’m pretty/fuckable. This goes without saying, but if your attractiveness to me is determined by your taste in women, and whatever stereotype you’ve lived your life adapting, I’m probably not the woman for you. Men have this idea that my value/worth is tied to their grading scale of how fuckable they deem me to be. Not only is it a facade, it is almost laughable that they think their opinion carries weight. You can’t affect my self-esteem when it was built in appreciating my being without investment in others comments. Now I can’t lay the blame entirely on men,  because it doesn’t help that magazines, other media, and our own mothers have been burying our self worth in made up problems from the youngest of teens through adulthood only to prey on these insecurities by selling “the solution”. There is nothing wrong with you! Even though there is always a product telling you that you need to be fixed, working on our higher selves and creating healthy habits will help things fall into place for balance’s sake. Love yourself enough to know when the love is real and when you’re a passed hors d’oeuvres on their way to different meal.

 

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